


The fake, vibrating, rubber, self-lubricating, non-kosher vagina

by Trash



Series: Faux Pas [4]
Category: Linkin Park
Genre: AU, M/M, Underage - Freeform, highschool
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-31
Updated: 2014-01-31
Packaged: 2018-01-10 17:08:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1162320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trash/pseuds/Trash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brad can't get a job. At least not in the conventional way</p>
            </blockquote>





	The fake, vibrating, rubber, self-lubricating, non-kosher vagina

Mike has a job in the chicken restaurant in town. Only Brad thinks they’re a bit up themselves calling it a restaurant. It’s like calling McDonalds or Burger King a restaurant. Okay so this chicken place is nicer than both of those combined, but you still go to the counter to order your food. Ergo – it can’t be classed as a restaurant.

So when Mike tells people he is a waiter in a restaurant Brad is quick to correct him.

“It’s not a restaurant.”

“Yes it is.”

“No it isn’t.”

“You’re just pissed because you can’t eat there because it isn’t kosher.”

“You’re dick isn’t kosher, but I still ate that.”

And so it goes.

Secretly Brad wonders why the fuck Mike even has a job. It’s not like he needs one – the tight ass never spends his money. Plus; his parents are rich. Maybe he’s just desperate to be individual. Or maybe he just feels bad asking for money from his mom and dad. This, either way, makes him a massive tool.

But then Mike starts ditching him for work and Brad thinks fine, fuck you, I’ll get a job to ditch you for. Trouble is – Brad isn’t a big fan of…well…working. Money he likes, manual labour - not so much. He’s not great at first impressions, either, so most places don’t even invite him back for an interview after he hands in his pathetic excuse of a CV.

Probably, he should have been deterred by this. But since he didn’t really care all that much about being employed rejection didn’t particularly upset him. He gives up eventually, though, and for a year remains happily jobless.

How he becomes employed starts with him waking up with a hard on that jacking off doesn’t satisfy. Mike has to work so a quickie is out of the question. It’s funny how only when you’re horny as fuck does your porn collection seem…somewhat inadequate.

So he jerks off and goes to the store in town that doesn’t look like a store from the outside. Inside, though, there are warnings – you must be over eighteen, blah blah, before you can enter the store. And then inside…

Brad loves coming here if only to gawp at some of the sex toys. They’re like something from a dream, although some are like something from a nightmare. The videos, too, are something of another world. Brad knows exactly what he is looking for but he doesn’t know the name of it. His favourite porn site is always advertising it, and after seeing clips he is definitely sure he wants to spend his not-so-hard-earned pocket money on it.

Because he has no shame he has no problem asking the man behind the counter about it.

“I know which one you mean.” He says. “The Ties That Bind. It’s fantastic. I don’t have a copy here, though.”

Brad’s hard on wilts.

“I have a copy at home, though.” The man says. “And I’m finished soon…”

Sex would definitely make him feel better, even if the guy is old enough to be his dad. He’s hot the way rock stars are hot – you know they’re old but they still make you go, fuck, whenever you see them in leather.

So he goes back to the man’s apartment. His name is Shaun and he’s amazing in bed. They fuck to The Ties That Bind playing in the background, the couple’s moans mixing with their own.

Brad isn’t one for staying after sex. But Shaun is pretty nice. Plus he’s tired, so he lies back with a sigh.

“How old are you, Brad?”

“Old enough.”

“Really?”

Brad laughs. “No.”

Shaun smirks. “Okay, are you in school?”

Brad nods.

“Are you old enough to have a job?”

“Yes.”

“Do you?”

“Have a job?”

Shaun nods.

“Nope.”

“Would you like one?”

Normally Brad would make some sexual joke. Something like, ‘sure crack one off in me’. But instead he says yes. Yes I’d like a job. And, “Do I get discount?”

And Shaun just laughs.

Brad doesn’t tell Mike right away that he has a job. He sure as fuck doesn’t tell him what the…interview process entailed. Instead he gives him the address of the store, tells him to meet him there.

Mike isn’t an idiot – he knows straight away once he gets there that the store is for…adults. He hovers outside awkwardly. People pass, not casting him a glance, and eventually he ducks inside. He passes the age restriction signs and prays nobody asks him for I.D.

Once inside he stares around. The entire store is dark and there are handcuffs, spreader bars and gags hanging from the ceiling. He tilts his head back to stare at them when something smacks him in the face.

“SURPRISE!” Brad howls.

Whatever it is, it’s wet. It’s furry. And it’s vibrating.

Mike jumps back and stares in horror at Brad standing there dressed head to toe in black, a name badge pinned to his shirt pocket. In his hand – a giant rubber vagina.

“What the fucking hell is wrong with you, you fucking psycho?!” Mike yells as he wipes frantically at his face with the sleeve of his sweater.

“It’s the Vadge.” Brad says proudly. “It has removable fur. Er…pubic hair. And it self-lubricates. And it’s two hundred dollars. Interested?”

Mike just stares, disgusted. “You…work here?”

Brad nods and turns off the vibrating, rubber vagina and puts it back in its display box. “Yep. Better than your non-kosher-chicken-McDonalds-rip-off, don’t you think?”

Mike shakes his head, mouth still hanging open. “And that vagina is kosher?!” All he can smell fake vagina lubrication and he thinks he’s going to puke. He mumbles, “I’ll call you later, freakazoid,” Then scurries out of the store.

Brad sniggers and, throughout the course of the day, makes sure to call Mike’s house and wait until his mom or dad answer.

“Hello,” he says, “This is Benjamin from Pandora’s Box. We’re trying to reach a Michael Shinoda – the credit card details he left to purchase the Big Boy G-spot stimulating dildo and the Love Bug vibrating egg with remote control are not valid and we need to correct them.”

And his mom, she is already screaming for Mike before she even hangs up the phone saying, “Michael! Michael you get your ass here this instant young man.”

And his dad is going, “Oh fuck.”

And maybe the pay isn’t great – but being able to terrorise is best friend on a daily basis is definitely, definitely worth it.


End file.
